Category — On Grieving

I have been a believer in Christ for 15 years. I did not start walking in true authority until the past few weeks. That’s not to say that I haven’t had strong faith or shared the gospel. My faith has sustained me through the most tumultuous seasons of my life, and I do not hide my light beneath a bushel. But, I lacked boldness. I struggled with fear. I didn’t fully grasp the true power that I have as a child of God. And, you have it, too.

From the moment John stepped onto the scene until now, the realm of heaven’s kingdom is bursting forth,
and passionate people have taken hold of its power. (Matthew 11:12 TPT)

Thousands, if not millions, of Christians are passive in their faith. They are comforted by the thought of eternal life with their heavenly Father, but they are ignorant of their charge while here on earth. As believers in Jesus Christ, we are “Christ’s ambassadors” (2 Corinthians 5:20). That means we represent His kingdom, we speak on His behalf, and we have full access to all of the resources of the One who sent us. As ambassadors, we walk in authority. We have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms, according to Ephesians 1:3, and each of us has a unique purpose here on earth.

The apostle Paul instructed the disciples, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.” (1 Corinthians 6:19) Many interpret this passage to mean that we’re supposed to abstain from sex outside of marriage or make sure that we work out at the gym regularly. Although sound advice, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Paul means this:

In all that we are and in all that we do,
we are called to give glory to god.

Your Maker gave you unique talents and skills for a reason. Your life is not your own; rather, your abilities and experiences are all meant to help others. That’s why you’re here–to help somebody else. More than that, you possess the ability to do remarkable things! Jesus went about healing the sick, giving sight to the blind, and casting out demons. Then, He says to His followers:

“For sure, I tell you, whoever puts his trust in Me can do the things I am doing. He will do even greater things than these because I am going to the Father.”(John 14:12)

Did you catch that? Trust in Him, and YOU can do even greater things! You have the Holy Spirit indwelling you, you are an ambassador of Christ, and you have access to the same resurrection power as our Lord and Savior!

The devil will hit you with everything he can to keep you from fulfilling your mission: addiction, illness, financial lack, pornography, sexual sin. He’ll even tempt you into binge watching Games of Thrones or Downton Abbey or The Walking Dead. Satan is determined to distract you and keep you focused on your own comfort, so you are too preoccupied to step into the position of authority for which God has called you. Don’t let the devil win. Our mission is clear in the words Jesus taught us to pray:

“Your kingdom come, Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10)

You’re on assignment. You’ve got what it takes. You have the Holy Spirit as your counselor and an army of angels at your disposal. We are seated with Christ in the heavenly realms, and our job–the purpose for which we were created–is to bring heaven to earth.

What does that look like? Simple. It looks like love.

“A new command I give you: Love one another.
As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
By this everyone will know that you are my disciples,
if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)

***

Dedicated to my husband Craig Thompson, who taught me to be brave.

God speaks to me in numbers. It started a couple of years ago with the 444s. I wouldn’t have paid them much attention, except that my pastor’s wife Tara Seidman used to post them on Facebook once in a while. A picture of the license plate with 444, the time on the clock at 4:44 PM. She called it a “God kiss.” His way of letting her know that he was right there, that he sees her, and that he loves her.

A couple of years ago, I started getting them, too. At first just one every once in a while, and then more and more, like a flood. Undeniable. And I wasn’t looking — they would always catch me by surprise. Later, I started to get 333. I heard more than once that this points to Jeremiah 33:3.

“Call to Me and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.“

Other translations say “great and indescribable things,” “hidden things,” or “unsearchable things.” The 3s in triplicate is God’s way of calling us into deeper relationship. I started to get them all the time, and I was encouraged to press in.

In the last year, our conversations around the numbers have expanded. He shows me times on the clock and calls me to look up Scriptures. Triplicates on license plates speak of his presence. I get 555 all the time, reminding me of his abiding grace. Grace upon grace upon grace. This Spring, Craig started to get them, too. 333 and 444, all the time. It actually miffed him at first — he claimed that he didn’t believe in the numbers. But they showed up with such regularity, he was beginning to doubt his own doubts. He would take screenshots of his phone and text me the picture. 3:33 PM. 4:44 AM. He, too, said he was never looking. He would just glance at the clock, and there would be God, waving hello.

I was delighted at this new turn of events, and told him that the Father sees him and loves him! That God is revealing something magnificent to him, great and mighty things that he does not know. We were both listening attentively, with hope and anticipation. Especially, as the season grew dark.

I slept soundly last night, but awoke briefly a couple hours after going to bed. I glanced at the clock. 1:13am. I made a mental note and fell back asleep.

This morning, I eased into the day with Bible reading and scrolls through social media. Then the grief came, marked by a torrent of tears and heartache. I miss my husband. I feel lost. I journaled at length about how Craig taught me to love better. How we had both learned and grown so much these last several years. We discovered the joy in sacrifice — in trying to out-give one another by putting the other’s needs and wants first. I still failed more times than I care to admit, but I was so much better. We were better. And, we were happy.

I showered and got dressed. Sat on the floor of the closet holding one of Craig’s T-shirts and sobbed. Took the dog for the walk and made breakfast. God reminded me to look up the time on the clock from last night, so I asked Google to find “Scripture 1:13.” The answer brought more tears, and also great comfort.

1 Corinthians 13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

***

God is faithful. And I have no doubt that He is showing Craig great and mighty things. Hidden things that are unsearchable unless we are in His presence. What He is showing me is that I am still loved — loved more than I can ever fathom. And, in the same way that I discovered the delight in learning to love my husband, there is joy in loving others. In putting others’ needs first. There is joy in loving God and putting His desires first.

Isaiah 54:5 begins:

“For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name…”

My husband gave me a kiss last night, and I am grateful.